


The Foibles of Youth

by Leianora



Category: star trek deep space 9
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 10:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leianora/pseuds/Leianora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian Bashir reflects.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Foibles of Youth

Doctor Julian Bashir knows things about himself that others will, he hopes, never find out. He knows, for instance, that his brash, self-confident attitude is covering up a very insecure person. He understands that everyone hides certain things about themselves from others, but that doesn't stop him from wondering if those others can see behind his facade to the real Julian Bashir. It doesn't stop him from being young and afraid.

He feels this fear most keenly when he is face-to-face with the Cardassian spy. He never says what he is really thinking to this man, but somehow, he suspects that Garak already knows the truth about him. He seems to know everything else, so why not this?

He remembers with embarrassing clarity the way he stammered and stared blankly at Garak the first time the man addressed him directly. He remembers dashing urgently to Ops afterwards and telling everyone that 'the spy' spoke to him. He tries not to think about his very serious promise that nothing of importance will leave his lips, or the thinly veiled looks of amusement Commander Sisko and the others gave him once he'd finished.

Now, as he sits across from Garak in Quarks, he remembers that man and wonders how the hell the idiotic young lieutenant he once was managed to survive as long as he has.

"Doctor, you seem distracted today. Is something wrong?"

Julian blinks and takes a deep breath. He isn't nearly as nervous and uncertain as he was when Garak first spoke to him. It's been three years since that day, and he has more poise than he did back then. His self-assurance has been toned down; because he knows that he no longer needs to prove himself to anyone. His colleagues know that he is indeed a very competent doctor, and he doesn't feel the need to impress them anymore.

"Sorry," he says in reply to Garak's inquiry. "I was just thinking about youth."

"Ah, the days of youth and idiocy," Garak replies, his lips curving up in that tiny half-smile that used to drive Julian crazy. "It has been said that age often brings wisdom. Have you found that to be the case yet, doctor?"

Julian chuckles. He likes the fact that he can laugh at himself now. Three years ago, he wouldn't have been able to do even that. He likes this new person he is becoming.

"Oh yes," he says. "I'm definitely glad of that. I hated who I was three years ago."

Garak takes a bite of his food and nods. Once he has swallowed, he speaks.

"I can safely say, my dear doctor, that you are not alone when it comes to feeling that way. It is a universal fact to be acknowledged, as they say," he adds.

Julian grins and wonders why in the world Garak would want to read Jane Austen. As if reading his mind, Garak responds to the unspoken question with a rueful smile.

"One of my human customers left a copy of the book in my shop when she was trying on some new dresses. I happened to glance at it and saw that lovely line."  
Julian nods his understanding, and doesn't ask the question he would have asked three years ago. It doesn't matter to him now if Garak looked at the book because he thought it might contain useful information. Though he knows that he can't completely trust this man, he realizes that he isn't as worried about what Garak thinks of him as he once was.

As they finish their lunch and take leave of one another, Julian's mind wanders back to his earlier self-contemplation. He is diverted from this train of thought when he reaches sickbay, but before he lets the train pass him by altogether, he decides that he likes who he is now, and that Garak is right. Some things only improve with age.


End file.
